A Force of Nature: Office Crush

A Force of Nature: Office Crush

Sidelong glances,

Surreptitious looks,

Shy Good morning-s

Thank you-s and Excuse me-s. 

My favourite is the ungrudging view of

The landscape that spans the back of your

Neck , across your shoulders, back, and down

To the base of your spine;

Especially so when you raise

Your arms to stretch and

The earth beneath my feet shifts,

Strains, and flows in time with the planes

And valleys of your body.

I hope you’ll never notice me;

But when will you ever notice me

Planning my next move to elicit the thunder of

Your laughter, the lightning of your smile?

You are a force of nature as you

Pass by me at my desk,

Uncaring as any storm passing through.

(September 2012)

Two songs I couldn't get enough of recently

(This song is sweet and kinda funny.  

Kept running over and over my head and wouldn't let go.)

GOT YOU (WHERE I WANT YOU)

The Flys

Hey, what's the point of this? Oh hey

What's your favorite song?

Maybe we could hum along
Well, I think you're smart, you sweet thing

Tell me your name, I'm dying here
Ah hoo, got you where I want you, again

Got you where I want you, again
Hey, maybe just a smile, oh hey, did you know

That I can dance? Could we talk for a while?
Well, I think you're smart, you sweet thing

Tell me your sign, I'm dying here
Ah hoo, got you where I want you, again

Got you where I want you, where I want you, I want you
Suffer, suffer, you know you get no rubber,

Gone with a pretty girl, changing me like no other

Suffer, suffer, you don’t get no rubber

Would you like a minute to put that thing on your lover?
Ah, I think you’re smart, you sweet thing

Tell me your name, I’m dying here

Ah hoo, suffer, suffer, you know you get no rubber

Gone with a pretty girl, changing me like no other

Suffer, suffer, you don’t get no rubber

Would you like a minute to put that thing on your lover?
Got you where I want you, yeah, got you where I want you

Yeah, got you where I want you want you, want you

Got you where I want you, got you where I want you

Got you where I want you

Official music video of "Got You (Where I Want You)"

(This one is definitely reminiscent of a fairy tale.  Pure magic.)

DARKNESS FELL

Wolfgang

And so she woke up from a dream

That was beautiful and starry and oh so wild

It was all still clear in her eyes

And though her mind was foggy and blank

She wondered why her life couldn’t be as lovely

It was time

There was this king, He had no castle or throne

But his horse was great and white

He rode alone and he liked it that way

But when he met her, he swore

He would never leave her side.

They rode across the land

Two lovers hand in hand

And no danger could come near

And when something made her cry

She'd look at him teary eyed

And he would make her feel better.

Oh... so much better... so much better than before...

And now this forest was their home

It was the night time, and the right time for love

In the dark.

She placed her hand upon his chest

And then all the rest just flowed

Making love down under an ancient far away night.

It was so grand

Just holding someone's hand

And now safety came naturally... oh yeah...

It was so clear that she would never ever have to fear...

Oh, tell me a story

Of magic, and spiraling ships and stars in the night

Just whisper in my ears

Make it soft and make it clear

I want to hear every breath you say.

And now this forest was their home

It was the night time and the right time for love

In the dark.

He placed his hand upon her breast

And then all the rest just flowed

Making love down under an ancient far away night.

And she woke upon the land

Tears falling in her hands as she looked up asking why

She laid back in her bed, thoughts racing in her head

"Why can't my life be beautiful?", she said

And she closed her eyes again, just praying he'd return

But only darkness fell upon her.

Listen to "Darkness Fell"

Slaughterhouse Five - Kurt Vonnegut

I experienced this book through audio.  Ethan Hawke performed it.  In his droll, ironic tones, the story was lent a certain gravity that I might not have perceived on my own if I’d read the book myself.  It is the story of Billy Pilgrim and his experiences as a soldier in the Second World War, mostly centering on the bombing and destruction of Dresden.  But of course that’s not all.  Billy Pilgrim also happens to be a time traveler as well as a victim of kidnapping by aliens from a planet called Tralfamador.  I don’t really know how I should feel about all that, but I am glad that this is not just another morality story about the tragedy and uselessness of war much like so many other typical war stories out there.

Too young, scrawny, and sickly, Billy Pilgrim was glaringly unfit to be a soldier (who IS fit to be one, anyway?).  Trudging through the forests of Germany with a few other soldiers equally as hungry and poorly equipped for war as he, he makes the discovery of his ability for time travel.  He goes through the many stages of his own life, past and future.  His parents, his marriage, his children, his abduction by aliens, his plane crash experience, even his own death – he goes through them all.  He keeps coming back to his soldier days, though, and ironically enough, it is his other life/lives that put the horrors he went through in war into perspective instead of the other way around.  These people that he had met throughout his life – fellow soldiers, war survivors and veterans, optometrists, his family, aliens – they all seemed to pass by him like disjointed episodes as he jumped from one time to another.  Yet they all mattered and did not matter all at once; for as was repeated, everything is as it should have been and always will be. So it goes.

They kept repeating that:  So it goes.  Nothing could have changed anything, not even being abducted by aliens, not even traveling through time.  Does any of it make sense, does anything we do affect history, or destiny?  Maybe not.  Maybe there’s no need to.  We all will face fate one day.  Wars will always be what they are.  Life will always be what it is.  The Tralfamadorians’ advice goes:  dwell on the happy times. 

I liked this book very much.  I liked how anti-melodramatic it is – not one word here romanticized war.  Its alternate title is “The Children’s Crusade”, reiterating that ‘war is fought by babies.’  I liked the way Ethan Hawke read it – languidly and almost lazily with an ironic lilt that could sometimes be alternately witty and sarcastic.  This story gets into you.  The voice of Billy Pilgrim – his honesty, his good nature, his acceptance, his grief – gets to you.  I’m so glad I got to experience it.  Few other of its kind could be as timeless and provocative as this is.  I strongly recommend it.  

Shimmer - Fuel

She calls me from the cold

Just when I was low, feeling short of stable

And all that she intends

And all she keeps inside, isn't on the label

She says she's ashamed

And can she take me for awhile?

And can I be a friend, we'll forget the past

But maybe I'm not able

And I break at the bend

[Chorus]

We're here and now, but will we ever be again

'Cause I have found

All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade

Away again

She dreams a champagne dream

Strawberry surprise, pink linen and white paper

Lavender and cream

Fields of butterflies, reality escapes her

She says that love is for fools who fall behind

And I'm somewhere in between

I never really know

A killer from a savior

'Til I break at the bend

[chorus]

It's too far away for me to hold

It's too far away...

Guess I'll let it go

Official music video of "Shimmer"

Veronika Decides to Die - Paulo Coelho

Premise:

Twenty-four-year- old Veronika seems to have everything – youth and beauty, boyfriends and a loving family, a fulfilling job.  But something is missing in her life.  So, one cold November morning, Veronika decides to die.  She takes a handful of sleeping pills, expecting never to wake up.  But she does – at a mental hospital where she is told that she has only days to live.

This is the first time I’ve read a book and felt like it was literally putting my own unvoiced thoughts into words.  It was unnerving and liberating at the same time – to know that I wasn’t alone in having these thoughts and that someone so much braver than I gave those thoughts form and let them loose.  I feel at odds with this book.  I know that it’s a good, touching, revealing, and meaningful story.  But from where I stand, it is entirely too personal, perhaps because I feel too close and can relate too much to Veronika and the other characters. 

I identified most with how frustrated Veronika felt about her life – it seemed so perfect, and yet, how come she’s so unhappy?  How many times in my own life did I ask this question of myself?  Why do I keep yearning for more; where does all this dissatisfaction come from when I already have everything I need and most of what I want?  And because of this I bear this tremendous guilt for being so ungrateful for what I have when so many others in the world are truly suffering.  I wonder most every day of my life if this is my particular individual failing or if there are others who feel the same. 

The insights given by the other characters were deep and provoking as well; particularly Mari, whom I liked most of all.  She was just so hard-line and practical, clear and wise.  I think it was her character, out of all the others, that gave this book the resolution and wisdom it carries.  Zedka was strange, but she had her wise moments, too.  Eduard… I don’t know what to think of him.  He was almost like Mari but not quite.  He had everything set up for him but had decided to go against it all.  When he found out that the world refuses to accept him the way he chooses to be, he withdrew from it.  He made it sound so easy.  In the story he drew Veronika out and gave her the resolve she needed and saved himself in the process, but it all seemed too convenient to me, too cliché, if you will.   Another favourite is Dr. Igor; that despicable, underhanded monster who masterminded the whole thing for very selfish reasons.  But I did like that he himself was surprised by the unexpected outcome of his research.

Perhaps I should try to go insane myself?  Let everything go and let others think what they will.  I think it would be lovely and utterly peaceful.  If I go insane will it free me, finally?  I don’t want to pretend to be insane – I don’t want to practice it.  I want to BE it.  Those other characters in the book that used insanity as an escape seemed so stupid and cowardly.  I don’t want to be like them.  Insanity should not be an escape; it should not be an effort.

(SPOILER alert!  Don’t read this paragraph if you don’t want to know how the book ends.) I’ll say it again – I don’t know what to make of this book.  I think it’s a good read, definitely.  It was insightful and thought-provoking, sure.   Did it touch me; did it make me appreciate my own life more; did it make me see life as a miracle?  No.  Oddly enough when I think it through I feel like I read another one of those cheesy Mitch Albom, or “chicken soup” things.  Only this one had a very good literary packaging going for it which makes it a cut above the others trying to do the same thing.   I believe it would have had more of an impact and been far more credible if Veronika, realizing just how precious life was, did die in the end.  Instead it has this trite happily-ever-after-oh-life-is-such-a-miracle-riding-off-into-the-rosy-sunset ending.  I’m sure a lot of people love it this way, but to me it came out too contrived and moralistic.  But that’s just me.  I do think that I’m far too cynical.  If you’re the optimistic type, then you’d love this book.

Notable quotes from the book:

“She hated the love she had been given because it had asked for nothing in return, which was absurd, unreal, against the laws of nature… That love asking for nothing in return had managed to fill her with guilt, with a desire to fulfil another’s expectations, even if that meant giving up everything she had dreamed of for herself.”

“If anyone there… just lived their lives and let others do the same, God would be in every moment, in every grain of mustard, in the fragment of cloud that is there one moment and gone the next.  God was there, and yet people believed they still had to go on looking, because it seemed too simple to accept that life was an act of faith.”

“She would consider each day a miracle – which indeed it is, when you consider the number of unexpected things that could happen in each second of our fragile existences.” 

God of Wine - Third Eye Blind

Every thought that I repent
There's another chip you haven't spent
And you're cashing them all in,
Where do we begin to get clean again
Can we get clean again

I walk home alone with you
In the mood you're born into
Sometimes you let me in
And I take it on the chin
I can't get clean again
I want to know
Can we get clean again

The god of wine comes crashing through
The headlights of a car that
That took you farther than you thought
You'd ever wanna go
We can't get back again
You can't get back again

She takes a drink and then she waits

The alcohol it permeates,
And soon the cells give way,
And cancels out the day

I can't keep it all together
(Star, stuck underneath the moon)
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know...
I can't keep it all together
(Star, stuck underneath the moon)

And the siren's song that is your madness
Holds a truth I can't erase
All alone on your face

Every glamorous sunrise
Throws the planets out of line
A star sign out of whack
A fraudulent zodiac

And the god of wine is crouched down in my room
You let me down, I said it
Now I'm going down ,and you're not even around
And I said a no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...

I can't keep it all together
(Star, stuck underneath the moon)
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know...
(Star, stuck underneath the moon)
I can't keep it all together

And there's a memory of a window
Looking through, I see you
Searching for something that I could never give you
And there's someone who understands you more than I do
A sadness I can't erase
All alone on your face.

Listen to "God of Wine"

Hakuouki: Shinsengumi Kitan 2010

Having a hankering for something historical, I decided to give this series a try.  It aired in 2010, and consisted of twenty two episodes.  Samurai drama, a hint of fantasy, wartime Japan, and the indomitable Japanese fighting spirit comprise the series’ main themes.  It first came out as a video game, but soon had an anime series, manga series, and feature films.

The story revolves around Chizuru, the daughter of a western-trained doctor who abandoned her.  As she travels from Edo to Kyoto in search of her father, she is assaulted by monstrous vampire-like soldiers and is saved by members of the Shinsengumi (Kyoto's police force).  It just so happens that the Shinsengumi are also on the hunt for her father, so they keep her with them.  Chizuru then begins to get to know the members of the group and soon becomes unwilling to separate.  She also discovers that her father created an “elixir” that was designed to create a superior soldier for the Shinsengumi.  This elixir’s formulation is based on the blood of a special race they called oni who possess extraordinary abilities such as rapid healing and heightened fighting prowess.  However, the elixir was a failure – whoever ingested it turned into uncontrollable blood-lusting monsters called Rasetsu.  The Shinsengumi needed to find Chizuru’s father to get him to make an antidote or to improve on the said elixir. 

Perhaps the best thing I could say about the series is that the events were pretty much historically accurate.  The series was set during the time when the Shinsengumi is drawn into the shogunate’s efforts to ward off the impending dominance of a new government and western culture.  I liked how it showed the despair of the soldiers as they watched the slow but inevitable death of the samurai culture – swords give way to guns, and so on.   The series focused more on this theme rather than on the more fantastic aspect of the story, i.e., their battles against the oni and the Rasetsu.  I’m also pretty thankful that they didn’t give the story any corny romantic “harem” angle even though it was the story of a young girl surrounded by incredibly handsome young men who are likely to fall all over themselves falling in love with her.  No such thing – what a relief.  And it also had an appropriately moving and tragic ending.  Well, given the fact that it is about war and a dying culture, it would have been pretty unlikely that nobody would die.  Good thing it didn't have a cheesy happily ever after ending – it gave the whole thing more credibility. 

The art was good and clean but I wouldn't call unique or remarkable.  The pace and plot development of the story was good, and the characters were interesting, if a bit underdeveloped.  I wasn't bored, but I wasn't on the edge of my seat wondering what would happen next, either.  I appreciated the series, but wouldn't say it’s among the best I've seen.  Still, you might want to give it a try.  

More information on Hakuouki: Shinsengumi Kitan