The Bedroom Secrets of the Master Chefs - Irvine Welsh

I read Irvine Welsh’s “Trainspotting” many years ago, and it is easily one of the most memorable books ever.  It was just so brutally honest and upfront about everything it wanted to show.  I also loved how after reading through that book, you end up acquiring a little Scottish accent for a while.  Anyway, upon having read it I felt like my eyes had been opened – it felt wonderful to be bludgeoned by unabashed truth for once.  They also made a movie out of it, starring Ewan McGregor, and it’s a very good movie; I highly recommend it.  I decided to give “The Bedroom Secrets of the Master Chefs” a try because I do clearly remember the awesome rush I received at having read “Trainspotting.”

The description on the book cover:

Troubled Environmental Health Officer Danny Skinner is engaged on a quest to uncover what he refers to as “the bedroom secrets of the master chefs”.  He regards the unraveling of this classified information as the key to learning genetic facts about himself and the crippling compulsions that threaten to wreck his young life.  The ensuing journey takes him from Europe’s festival city of Edinburgh to the foodie capital of America, San Francisco.  But the hard-drinking, womanizing Skinner has a strange nemesis in the form of model-railway enthusiast Brian Kibby.  It is his unfathomable, obsessive hatred of Kibby that takes over everything, threatening to destroy not only Skinner and his mission but also those he loves most dearly.  When Kibby contracts a horrific and debilitating mystery virus, Skinner understands that his destiny is inextricably bound to that of his hated rival, and he is faced with a terrible dilemma.

The narration shifts perspective from Skinner to Kibby, as well as to some of the other characters but the story basically revolves around these two.  The novel unfolds slowly at first and there were moments when I felt the whole thing was just really plodding and a bit redundant.  I felt that it dwelled too much on the representations of alcoholism, sex, personal insecurities, envy of others, and pure spitefulness.  I think some of the character development had been overdone.  There were moments in the novel where I thought, “Alright, I already know Skinner is a womanizing, disrespectful a****le.  Do we really need to go into the nth time he picks up yet another woman?”  Significant developments begin to happen only midway through the novel and towards the end.  I also felt that the ending turned out to be predictable and anti-climactic.  About a chapter or two to the last page, I pretty much could see where it was all going.  Even the attempt at a mysterious, indefinite revelation at the very end felt flat to me.

That said, there are some memorable moments all throughout the novel.  The author was able to delve into some very deep and insightful views of what it’s like to feel incomplete, unloved and unappreciated, wanting a place where you can be truly sure of yourself and the security and comfort of knowing you belong.  He also presents some clear and strong thoughts on the importance of professionalism and the significance of office politics.  He presented the idea of friendship very honestly and graphically – how do people’s friendships end up shaping them and such.   I did feel much empathy towards the characters, especially Kibby.  He’s such a victim, that one; but I also kind of blame his own cluelessness and naiveté for his misfortunes.  There were many times while reading that I myself felt like I could smack him for being such a nerdy doormat.  He was as much a victim of his own self-loathing and repression as he was of Skinner’s cruelty.  Now Skinner, that’s one sick s.o.b.  He’s got issues in aces, but there were times when I just loved him for being devil-may-care about everything.  I liked the way the two characters were made to play off each other and bring out the other’s truths - the good and the bad.  It was really no surprise that the connection between the two of them ran much deeper than just personal insecurity, spite, and envy towards each other.

Definitely not for young readers – fiery language and graphic imagery.  I took a long time reading it because I found the pace slower than my preference.  I’d personally rate it 5/10 (It wasn’t that bad. Perhaps I was only disappointed because I’d been comparing it to something I really liked.), but I liked “Trainspotting” much, much more.  In any case, give it a try.  See if you'll find any of the "bedroom secrets" useful, and maybe you’ll disagree with me.