Only Yesterday (1991)

A few days ago I saw an anime called Only Yesterday or おもひでポロポロ (Omohide Poroporo).  It aired in Japan in 1991, so you could say it’s pretty old for a movie.  Be that as it may, it really struck a chord in me and made me think of my own situation and what I would like to do with my life. 

Taeko is in her late twenties, unmarried, and yearning to get away from the city, having lived all her life in Tokyo.  She takes a vacation in quiet and provincial Yamagata, to help in the saffron harvest and around the farm.  While traveling, she begins to reminisce about when she was eleven years old, recalling memories of friends, crushes, impending womanhood, and dreams of the future.  As she spends busy but peaceful days helping around the farm, she deepens her friendship with the family she stays with, as well as becomes good friends with Toshio, her brother-in-law’s cousin.  She finds much comfort in the peace and simplicity of life there and starts to contemplate her childhood memories and the kind of life she wants to live from that moment on. 

I’m so glad I gave this story a chance.  I felt so close to Taeko, seeing myself in her situation.  For the longest time now, I’ve had this deep yearning to get away from it all – to abandon the city, my so-called-cushy job, the oftentimes suffocating care of my family – and leave myself to the whims of chance.  I did just that, and I was rewarded with a blessed interval – I was free for a while.  Japan took me in its arms and set me free even as it held me so close.  But my reality just won’t allow me to keep dreaming; it just had to wake me up and pull me back.  So I came back here and still I keep trying to resign myself to the painful choice I made.  But the yearning never left me.  I carry it always like weights attached to my wrists and ankles. 

Recently I went to an island on a very short vacation, and there I found the dream once again.  I saw what I really, really want to do with my life, just like Taeko did.  But of course, Taeko got her wish and I didn’t.  I couldn’t.  Reality and the city keeps pulling me back and won’t let me go.  Now I let every day carry me along and the only comfort I can give myself is the knowledge that my dream actually does exist and I know where it can be found – I can at least fantasize about swimming in clear, deep waters, my skin browning under the sun, and living at the mercy of the beautiful and terrible ocean.  I’m glad Taeko got her happy ending.  I don’t begrudge anyone that particular joy.  And while I cannot have mine, for now, perhaps the dream would be enough.