how do you know if the things that you try to do for others matter to those others? it is so frustrating to be in a position of doubt. everytime your day winds down to a close and you ask yourself “what just happened?” the inevitable second question is “does any of it really matter?” if you were in my shoes, the word FUTILITY slaps you in the face too often for comfort.
someone passed away: a person whom i really looked up to as a guardian, a pillar of strength. when he was around, he made me feel like i could accomplish anything, do anything on my own, and he’d be there to cheer for me. he gave me a solid sense of security and certainty that there will be someone there for me if i become doubtful of anything. now he’s not here, and even if it’s been a while since he left us behind, i still feel like someone trying to walk on water. i miss him so badly, especially now when i need his help the most. but there is no one but my own weary and doubtful self. if you are listening, sir, i could really use your help right now…
someone passed away: a person whom i really looked up to as a guardian, a pillar of strength. when he was around, he made me feel like i could accomplish anything, do anything on my own, and he’d be there to cheer for me. he gave me a solid sense of security and certainty that there will be someone there for me if i become doubtful of anything. now he’s not here, and even if it’s been a while since he left us behind, i still feel like someone trying to walk on water. i miss him so badly, especially now when i need his help the most. but there is no one but my own weary and doubtful self. if you are listening, sir, i could really use your help right now…
(posted elsewhere 17 Aug 2005)
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